Wednesday, June 7, 2017

I'm My Biggest Fan

I tend to think of myself as being family, not so much. I think a lot has to do with the fact that I've been a server for almost forty years. There's nothing more entertaining than stories about serving the public. (Talk about some excellent material to work with)

Like the time this dude slept for over an hour at one of my tables slumped over in the most uncomfortable looking position ever. Since he was from overseas, returning home and you couldn't tell what his face looked like figured it was okay to get the busser to take a pic of me behind him. Heck, he only had one beer. The thing about a lot of international travelers is they take that little pill a little too early.

I waited on a guy one time who took his little pill fifteen minutes before boarding his flight to Amsterdam. Then the flight was delayed two hours and he slept through the announcement for boarding sitting in a chair by his gate. He wandered into the restaurant and ate dinner since another flight didn't depart for twenty four hours. I told him a couple of places he could go near the airport to bid his time and after an hour or so of talking to me, he wandered back out into the terminal. The next day I was working when he came into the restaurant again. He had gotten a shave and haircut and when seated at my table again, greeted him with how nice his haircut looked. He looked at me like I was out of my mind. After talking to him for about thirty seconds, realized he didn't even remember being in the restaurant the day before.

Ya gotta love waiting on meet all kinds.

One particular story that comes to mind is one I told Massey about on our last drive up to Georgia for a visit.

We were sitting at a gas station, boasting  Pecan Logs on the billboard right after passing the Georgia state line when Massey asked why they called it Logs? (adding that sounded so gross)

We were sitting in line waiting for the car wash to get all the bugs off my car when I told her it was the family name and as a matter of fact, used to wait on one of them years ago. The guy was nice enough, obviously a millionaire but so cheap when it came to tipping, could pinch a penny til it screamed.

Then I just starting cracking up as I began telling her the story. I mean literally.... couldn't stop laughing while speaking, with tears rolling down my face. You know, like when you start laughing at a funeral or in a church service because of something that happens and simply can't stop.

Been there...done that.

Anyway... I kinda told the story out of order and Massey didn't quite think it was that funny.

So I retold it... in order this time.

One of the southern iconic family members used to be a landlord for a restaurant I worked for right at the beginning of my serving career. Flash forward thirty years or so and he came into another restaurant I was working for. By this time he had grown children with children of their own. It was his birthday and the entire extended family was in attendance. He started off with Hennesy and after a few, switched to wine. Around the second or third bottle I opened they (a party of ten) all ordered appetizers. Number one, it was his birthday. Number two, who am I to judge? I love a cold one more than most. So anyway, after a few toasts and another bottle of wine was opened, the birthday boy (now old man) suddenly announced "You know what? I think I'll have a slice of Key Lime pie...who else wants dessert?"

His oldest son replied "Dad, we haven't ordered dinner yet."

I had to walk away from the table before I started laughing. They did end up ordering dinner and he did once again leave a sub par tip but this story has made me laugh enough to make up for it.

Like the time I worked for a steakhouse. I was a boss of a server and salesman. They'd have a sales contest to sell a certain item and I was all over it. Not sure how many I won, but it was a bunch.

So one time, we had  two new shrimp appetizers we were pushing. I was waiting on a very nice couple one night and gave my spiel about both, asking if they would like to try either. The husband said "Why don't you just surprise me."

I didn't miss a beat and quickly said "Okay sir, I'm pregnant with your baby."

I'll never forget it.

His wife was taking a sip of her drink at the time and it shot out through her nose. He agreed I had indeed surprised him. They were awesome peeps and we had a great time with our banter.

You gotta (better) know who you can joke with and who you can't. Fortunate for me, I'm a pretty good judge.

But when I'm with family, it's open season.

I luckily come from a family who loves steadfast and furiously. I'm (obviously) the black sheep but for all my many faults, they love me just the I do them.

When you are loved, you are secure.

Webster defines secure as "Free from danger or attack."

So I'm secure in my life. What a wonder feeling to be surrounded by the fortress of love from others.

I'm not the best person, wife or mother, sibling or even friend... but do know in my heart that if anyone needs me to do something, even without asking...will do it if I can.

As all three of my kids know, after years of helping them with school  assignments they told me about at the very last minute... I can throw some sh*t together.

It's no thanks to me. I'm basically a skinny Roseanne who loves to write instead of doing stand up.

It's thanks to these two.

I still have her wedding dress, moth eaten, mildewed and torn. I simply can't get rid of it. If and when Massey gets married, hope I am able to have it recreated. What pleasure could be more fantastic than to see Massey Ann wear Ann Massey's wedding gown.

Have you ever seen a happier looking groom?

My parents were the epitome of  happy marriage which allowed me to be one of the luckiest kids on the planet.

So many people aren't as lucky as me. You know, through the ten year financial debacle, one thing never changed.

My family loves me.

So I'm a crazy woman who knows I am... but enjoy being crazy.

Huge segway...

At least I'm not planning on blowing up a bomb to kill hundreds of innocent people. What are these people thinking? You know what...they aren't thinking. They are demented and so is their thinking.

It has nothing to do with religion other than giving Muslims a bad name. If you want to hate, don't pin it on a religion, pin it on people a lot crazier than me.

When it comes down to it, there are good people and bad people. It's not Muslims we should's bad people pretending to be Muslims.

Webster defines 'hate' as "To feel hostility or animosity toward."

Who are we to hate someone simply because of their religion? There are plenty of Christians or even Atheists doing exactly the same thing.

Case in point, an old white dude shot and killed five coworkers yesterday, because he was a former disgruntled employee. It was less than a mile from where we live.

Hate doesn't have a religion. It doesn't have a face or name, other than Insanity.

Love is what we need, not blame.

But then again, is just my view.

Til next time...COTTON

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