Ready or Not

I guess the cat is officially out of the bag now... it's on Facebook.

TJ told us he found the girl he wants to marry a few months back. He's been living with her for a while now and happily stepped right into parenting with both feet, eyes and heart wide open. She has a daughter four years old and not quite sure who he is more crazy about.

I think staying here with us after he returned from Australia in the only bedroom open, which happened to be where we kept the crate we used to put Ziggy in when he was even more horrible than he is now took up a quarter of the small bedroom and wasn't the best smelling room in the house by a long shot helped a little. It would have me want to go live under a bridge by the freeway. After TJ quit coming home at all for over a month  cleaned the room, took the crate apart and out to the garage while wearing a Haz Mat suit. 

Tim told me TJ was serious about the girl we'd met only once but soon learned to know and love. Her daughter is smart and cute as a button and TJ was surprisingly good with her. I could tell it was serious the first time they came over for dinner.

Their plan was for her to finish school in May , TJ go back and finish his degree and marry in 2017.

I thought it was an excellent plan.

I really love Chelsea and her daughter Zeli, both are smart and precious girls. They make a nice family. The boy done good.

Found out a few weeks ago plans have changed. The cat is not only out of the bag, there's a bun in the oven.

Seems TJ, who I still think of as my oldest boy is going to be a father.  I have no worries about him being a good father, he's already proved that to me with Zeli. I have no worries he'll be a good husband, he's chosen a terrific woman. She's smart, extremely pretty, a fabulous mother, comes from a good family and seems to be crazy about our boy/man. Five excellent attributes to have in a life partner.

By the end of May TJ will be the head of a household of four.

The thing is, I'm not ready to be a granny. I thought I'd at least be on medicaid and hopefully getting a check from social security before any of my kid's had one.

The other thing is I was disappointed instead of being happy. I wanted TJ to go back to school, finish up and be making a decent income with his degree before they added to the family. I think he was more disappointed about me acting disappointed. 

Everyone was excited but me which made me feel even worse. A couple of weeks ago my manager at work (where TJ also works) congratulated me. I shook my head slowly and said I wasn't exactly thrilled about it. I didn't want TJ  to struggle like Tim and I have. He said something that turned my way of thinking.

"It's his life not yours. If he's happy you should be happy for him."

Now I felt even worse...my manager was exactly right. He's my kid and needed my support not my opinion. He was a man now and was time to realize it.

Number one I will not be called grandma or granny unless I feel a LOT older in May of next year.

Number two the little boy who was in my wedding will always be considered my oldest and  is going to be a father.

It's not like he dragged home Mama June and Honey Boo Boo saying he knocked up June.

"Our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys."

This is a joy. Not one I was expecting but one that is coming. It's a good thing I've felt really old lately.

This was a tiny wiggling guy who met an egg he wanted to be attached to. Miraculously wiggled it's way from one person in love to the other and coming out nine months later a human being....half him, half her.

My kids were this...

Then suddenly this.

Buddy, if you want a crazy granny you got one!

 I decided on my name  last night, "Y.G."

The tiny human shall call me "Y- gee".

That's right, "Young Granny".

The tiny human on the way is my first grand child and still kinda freaks me out.

I need to be as thrilled as they are ...  not cast my opinions but embrace theirs.

So welcome to the family, Chelsea and Zeli. Welcome to the family little tiny seed ready to sprout in a few months.

You will be half her and half him but have the feeling you may make me feel whole again.

It's a messed up world  that's for sure. We need more good people on our team and coming from peeps as good as TJ and Chelsea, you'll knock it out of the park kiddo.

Til next time...COTTON