Skinny Wimp From the South

As I pedaled my bike through the pouring rain today (not really) I remembered why I remained in the South once I grew up.

The rain doesn't bother me that much, until to you add in the cold. Being of the skinny derivation, I am not a fan of cold weather.

It doesn't help that I am fifty years old and suffer from hot flashes as well. I was at work the other night and told the owner's wife "It sucks being fifty". I had just come back to work after my break and was standing by the cook's line warming my hands under the heat lamp they use to keep plates warm. My hands were freezing but I raised both my arms to display the sweat marks under my arms on my work shirt. That, my friends... is pretty sad.

There is no happy medium when you are a fifty year old woman. You sweat to death, only to ask five minutes later for a jacket. You are happy one moment and asking for a Kleenex the next.

My family has given up trying to figure me out...for that matter, so have I.

All I DO know, is that to be in the midst of menopause AND the coldest Winter I can remember is a pretty cruel joke. Is it God laughing at me or Mother Nature?

I come home from work at night and never even take off my coat. I sit at my computer and type with my coat and scarf on. Once I have fulfilled my blogging urge I trudge upstairs to my bed and peel off the layers.

It takes at least thirty minutes for my feet to warm up. I finally get warm and comfy and drift off to sleep.

One hour later I wake with a start to wonder when the house caught on fire? I kick the covers off and use my tee shirt to mop up the small puddle of sweat I like to call the "pond" between my tiny boobies.

By the time I have sopped up the sweat, changed shirts and climbed back in bed I am freezing again and the cycle starts over.

This weather isn't helping... especially when on top of it all you are stupid enough to have three big dogs that have been spoiled rotten.

I open the door in the mornings and they stick their nose out and look back at me like "You want ME to go out in THAT"?

I let them slide because quite honestly I am freezing just holding the door open for them to decide.

When "Poop comes to Shove" they will go out, otherwise they are happy indoors between December and March. I can't much blame them...so am I.

They say we have more snow coming next week..."ARRGGGHH".

I know part of it is that I have lost a lot of weight and my body fat is pretty much" Non There". (that's a technical term I invented when my weight dropped below one hundred pounds).

I don't care if I was the size of a FAT lady in the Circus... it has been a COLD winter and if you grew up in the South, it is considered "Bizarre and Brutal".

I am ready to crank up my boyfriend, John Deere and sweat for the right reasons. I am ready for my three dogs to spend an entire day outside without scratching at the back door with a look on their faces like "Whatever we did wrong, we won't do again, just let us INSIDE".

That stupid groundhog says Spring is coming early...if it was a "Ground Dog" I would believe it.

Headed to bed to take off Tim's sweatshirt I put on when I walked in from work...over my uniform and scarf.

Hoping the rain is gone tomorrow when I wake up.

Cold is one thing...Cold AND Rain is another. Pile that on top of being 50 and female, the owner of three big dogs and it just starts to feel not only politically incorrect but downright cruel and unusual punishment.

As Barney used to say on PBS "Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please come out and play"!!

Til next time.. Cold/Hot COTTON