My Lost (Birthday) Boy

Tomorrow my Lost Boy is turning twenty five. I'm off tomorrow and halfway tempted to get in my car and drive up to spend it with him.

I have a totally different relationship with each of my three kids, with Zach's being the most complicated. We're so much alike it scares me (and probably him) as well.

If there's one meme which aptly decribes our relationship, is certainly this one.

Zach was a happy go lucky kid, always happy and smiling...finding joy in everything he did.

 This a picture of him with his cousin, Casey at the beach one year. I have it framed somewhere, probably packed away in our storage unit waiting for us to move into our forever home here in Orlando.

Tim and Zach have always gotten on well together, mainly because Tim never argues, unlike his bossy wife.

It's hard to believe Zach's turning a quarter of a century old tomorrow. Seems like yesterday he was still my little capuchin monkey.

He was diagnoised with ADD in second grade, and our battles began. It was before they had meds strictly for ADD and was put on a stimulant prescribed for ADHD as well. He started making straight A's but after eating breakfast at the house before school and taking his pill, wouldn't eat again until well after dinner time. At the time I was working at the elementary school in the cafeteria. He'd come through the lunch line, pick up his tray and head for his table. Then he'd sit, chomping his teeth together and look at the ceiling tiles seemingly counting them and never touch his food.

I decided him making B's and C's with a healthy appetite was the better way to roll.

By fifth grade they had a non stimulant option, specifically for ADD and put him back on meds. He bucked, probably remembering the feeling the last pills gave him. Then our battles truly started.

By the time he was in middle school, he was miserable...and so was I. 

I've kept this pic to remind me of what a horrible decision I made at the time. He's the smartest kid I know and yes, does suffer from ADD but just don't think pills were the way to go.

My bad...and will always regret it.

It made him feel like something was wrong with him, and that's never a good feeling, especially to a fourteen year old with "Dirdy Blond" hair who felt his distinguising features were "Ugly, thin, fast."

Although he was a pretty fast runner.

High school didn't get much better and felt like torture to him...and me.

He somehow made it through though and not sure who was happier, us or the faculty of the high school.

I got me an eclectic bunch of kids and couldn't be happier about it. I get to see life from their three unique and different perspectives. 

Being an adult can be hard, and Zach's had a doozy of a trip. If I was still at the airport gig, could swoop in and give him all the help he needs right now, but I'm not and can't.

Instead help when I can and pray for him when I can't. 


Happy Birthday to my youngest son, Zach.

You're burdened with being  just like me but think may be (hopefully) the thing which gets you through these trying times.

I don't worry so much about Massey and TJ. They are like minded. I worry about Zach because he is so me. 

I don't want for him to struggle, which he is. But also know if I made it, so can he.

Happy Birthday to Zach. Keep those thumbs up and know I am here for you...any time, any day and at any hour.

I strive for good...


Till next time, COTTON

Assessing My Life

Assess: To estimate the value of.

Since this picture was taken I've gone through many changes and then some. My best change was to start highlighting my hair...look at all that gray.


I know it sounds crazy...but Crazy should have been my middle name anyway.

I can't tell you how many times I look at this checkout from when I had the airport gig and sigh. It's every servers dream to make that kind of money on one shift. And some days made even more.

I feel ashamed to value money so much, because it is the root of all evil.

I think have finally resigned myself to just be grateful for all that Phat money and how it helped us when we had virtually nothing. I guess God gave me that job to help us survive and now wants me to survive once again, without it.

I'm a too skinny but scrappy old woman who has learned the greatest lesson in life. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I remember when I was first offered the job. I didn't even have a car. My sister talked me into taking it, loaning me a car. I even had to borrow a car just to go to the interview. (Thank you Susan Todd)

Then I borrowed a car from my next door husband ,  eventually buying it from him. Tim finally got a great job which sent him to Teaxs for a two year stint. I stayed behind with our youngest two kids and made money hand over fist.

I caught up all the bills and paid it forward to ones who helped us and even to a few I didn't even know, but desreved it.

When Tim got another promotion and was moved to Orlando, I once again stayed at home for another year and raked in even more.

With Tim gone, I was left to take care of everything at the house and somehow managed. I seem to work better under pressure.

My kids favorite thing to say about me is that I can "Throw some shit together."

And I did.

When I finally moved to Orlando after Tim had been there for almost a year, was slapped again with reality. No job, spent all my savings moving us there and had to start over.

I detest starting over, especially with a job.

I was once again a fish out of water. I was once again a nervous wreck, once again for at least six months.

How many "onces" does a person have to endure?

I'm not sure if I'm a slow learner or just a perfectionist at my chosen craft.

I'm not the greatest wife, mother or sister but one thing I can say with conviction is that I am a spot on excellent server.

Does that sound sad?

I've been a server much longer than I've been a wife or mother.


Sounds crazy (once again) but just these past two or three weeks, have hit my stride once again. I have it down, I know it and am selling it.

Do I make airport money?

Nope, but occasionally.

Do I enjoy my job?

Pretty much.

My glass is half full.

That's the way you have  to look at life or you will end up with a half empty soul.

Love the one you're with and love the ones around you, who love you back. Pay it forward every second of every day. Be grateful for what you have instead of what you want.

I'm thinking at the tender age of almost fifty seven, am finally getting life right.

Love and learn.

Till next time...COTTON

Don't worry...be happy.

Talk About Stretching Out A Holiday

Since the Fourth falls on a Tuesday this year it got started on Friday and won't end until late Tuesday night...in other words, a servers worst nightmare. Not to mention I now live in Orlando now, the land of redunkulous heat index.

I was the opening server today at two fifteen, love it! First one in, first one out. I got there and the heat index was 104. Unfortunate for me, they (our parent company) were in full swing setting up for a Fourth of July celebration right outside of our restaurant. Carnival games, free snow cones, activities for all the kids and plenty of booze if you walked through our doors. We have a solarium on the front side of our restaurant.

 It's extremely nice; it can be glass enclosed and with a press of a button, sun screens come down to block out the sun.

 The glass can also be lifted up with another touch of a button and either be fully screened in or with screens up is an open air room.

There's also  the Beacon Tower directly in front of it which has different images projected on it every night.

It's a pretty cool place to work and food is off the chain great.


I knew I was in trouble when the peeps started piling in the courtyard right at five...the time the celebration started.

Needless to say, I left work at eleven...after hoping to be home by dark thirty. That's okay too.

I was whooped, everyone was...but most of them are still in their twenties and I'm barely still in my fifties.

I don't know how we pulled it off but we did.

The  excessive heat drove a lot of people into our place just to escape it. They'd eat a hot dog out front with their kids, along with a free snow cone then ask to be seated and order just enough to keep them in the air conditioned building.

Can't much blame them...with "much" being the operative word. Most were really nice and I got extremely lucky. Some servers got some really raw deals.

Karma...it's a powerful thing.

It was like we were a gas station on the side of a hot dusty highway with a really nice restroom you didn't need to ask for the key to.

The bigger picture is this...

It was put on to get our name out there. We're a new place and a great opportunity to let people see what a great place we are. Granted, our restrooms were our biggest selling point today, along with the A/C...but the restrooms are extremely nice and the A/C was working great.

My bum knee (which I hurt at skate night years back when the kids were little in a speed race for mothers...which I handily won btw) went out around seven.

 I was hobbling like Fetus, from Gunsmoke.

 My back went out around eight. I took two Advil and struggled through. When I had to bend over to pick something up... voices screamed in my head and maybe escaped my lips a couple of times.

When I finally got in my car to come home, I turned the A/C up and the seat warmer on high to alleviate the pain.

Getting old isn't all that fun, but sure beats not getting old.

Funny sidenote:

I had a table tonight during the chaos, parents with their son and was the sons' birthday (he was probably thirty). I ordered him a complimentary 'Butterscotch Toffee Sticky Bread Pudding' and wanted to stick a candle in it. I couldn't find a lighter to light the candle and was told to go to the host stand, where they keep torch lighters to light the table candles on each table. The only person at the host stand at the time was our GM. I asked him to borrow a torch lighter and he searched every drawer.

Let me insert here, our managers all wear dinner jackets. It was a billion degrees outside and he'd been out in it most of the afternoon. I don't know how they do it, other than the fact they are men and don't suffer from hot flashes like me. His face was beet red. He was irritated he couldn't find a single lighter for me to use... so just like I do, said "Maybe I can just hold the wick against your forehead...that should do it."

His response...

He didn't want to laugh but instead said "Hardy har-har."

What a crazy day, what a crazy night. And to think we still have Monday and Tuesday to go!

I didn't even ask for the Fourth off (waited too late) but incredibly enough when the schedule came out on Thursday, I am off Tuesday,Wednesday and Thursday!

So I'll work a closing shift on Monday night and be off until Friday.

Yes I miss my airport job in Atlanta, all my friends and the huge money which came with it...daily

But after much thought have realized...being happy is worth millions more. Yes, I'll always think about the money, but more so think of it as the means that got us to this end.

This end...

Plowing through waters still unknown. Starting over at almost fifty seven. Soaking in every minute and hoping the next one will be even greater. Trying to not look back but ahead instead. Being grateful for every day. Just glad my husband and I stuck it out. 

#peepsgiveuptooeasily

This song says it all for us.

For me and Tim.

He still irritates me and am more than sure I irritate him.

But that is what life is all about. 

You have to work at life to have a good one. You get out of life what you put into it.

I've been doing some "putting" for almost a decade but feel like am about halfway there, by a long shot.

I used to think raising my kids was a hard job, albeit a very satisfying one.

I know now, raising myself  is the hardest job. What I make of myself ... totally changes the entire picture of my life and all included in it. 

I hope the people I love are patient.

I'm a work in progress.

The glass is always half full...true fact.

Till next time...COTTON

There's Always That One House

When I need to check the mail, I always drive in the back way to our neighborhood since the mail boxes are all together and a few houses away from ours.

There's always that one house. Every day there is a different brand new car or SUV in the driveway, wedged in behind the huge boat, which has never left the drive the entire time we've lived here. Plopped directly in the front yard is what appears to be a trailer for transporting automobiles or race cars. What you don't see in the above photo is the other side of the street where a brand new Mecerdes sits, beside yet another one.

You never see anyone go in or come out of the house and the porch light stays on twenty four seven. Every once in a while there will be someone in the driveway working on an ATV or motorcycle or even the huge boat.

Then a day or two later, the Land Rover will be moved across the street. My point is, if you can afford all these expensive toys you can most certainly afford to store them in a unit somewhere, where we don't all have to see or drive around them on a daily basis.

It drives me nuts (short drive) but can't stand all the clutter. I call it the "Rico House."


Then on the other side of us a couple of doors down, is a house where I've never seen a living soul.

Talk about a horticulturist!   You can't even see the house for all the plants and flowers.

At least it's pretty to look at but never, ever see anyone tending to or watering it. I guess they garden at night.



Then across the street from us, we have our self appointed neighborhood watch peep.

Actually it's not so much Gladys as it is her husband, Abner. He has cameras on every corner of his house, including front and back. His garage door stays open and mans the watch from right inside, smoke in one hand and brewski in the other. He also has two little loudly yapping dogs and one seemingly mute bassett hound. Our next door (new friends) neighbors told us he actually watches all the video tapes. One Saturday when the students held a protest at the college across the street from our backyards, he told my next door neighbor not to worry, he had his shotgun handy.

Are you kidding me?

I actually kinda like having someone watching out for the neighborhood, especially with Tim working out of town every other week.

Our old subdivision back in Georgia was much the same. We had one house slap full of crazies, we called them vampires. By 'we' I mean Massey and me. They let their son start smoking in middle school and would even smoke with him as he waited on the school bus in his front yard.

Weirdos.

Then we had the snobby neighbor across the street who said less than ten words to us in over twenty years. His wife was even more snooty. When my nephew and his wife started renting our house last October, my nephew said he threw up his hand to wave at them every time he pulled in or out of our driveway for a month without them ever waving back. He said he gave up after the first month and just keeps two hands on the wheel now.

Go figure.

We only have a few short months left here in this dysfunctional neighborhood and will move into what am sure will be another another one, in some shape, form or fashion.

At least we'll be even closer to the beach!

So another random thing...

Last night at work, a cook went to the dumpster, five feet from the back door and came back in to let us know there was a gator out back.

Shut the Front Door!

Of course about ten of us went out the back door to see it. It was a baby, but still one which could easily take your finger (or toe) off.

I'm not even crazy about the thousand lizards that live in our yard, driveway, walkway, porches, screens and windows.

Tiny dragons if you ask me (or our three dogs). They have these little puffy orange throats that expand like a bubble and totally creep me out.

The gator was about two feet long. That's two feet longer than I like to see, but you know me...I had to go take a look at it.

Where's that neighbor with a shot gun when you need him?

What kinda worried me was its momma might  be looking for it.

Orlando native to the rescue...certainly not me.

Crazy ass server, aptly named "Hope" picked the dang thing up and took it across the road to release near water in a huge field. Damn, she looks thrilled... holding a tiny future pair of shoes, belt or purse.

It's been really different living here. They have cranes, (I call them flamingos) who are as tall as me and stand two feet way from you, refusing to move out of the way.

Dude...you're in a handicap spot!!  

You drive on toll roads and see bald eagles soar above you.

Now that's a pretty impressive thing to see.

You wake up to hear your (Georgia) pups growling at the back sliding window one morning and a hawk with a five foot wing span is sitting on your fence post...chilling, less than thirty feet away.

You can wake up on a beautiful day, have a couple of hours to spare...jump in your car and be sitting on the beach in thirty two minutes.

I think maybe I've spent too much time thinking about how much I miss home rather than thinking about how much I'm enjoying our new one.

I'll always miss Georgia. 

But why not embrace where we've been planted?

About three weeks after we moved here, my daughter put this on our chalkboard in the kitchen.

It's a place where I've always left inspirational quotes or thoughts for me, my husband and the kids.

When living in Georgia, I changed it almost daily. I've left this one here for over six months just as a reminder.

I am finally blooming again, where we've been planted. We're growing...and sure beats picking off dead leaves and just hoping the plant survives.

Life is a journey.

Make the best of your own journey, and enjoy ever twist and turn of it. It's a straight, flat, never changing journey which dulls your mind and makes you fall asleep at the wheel of life.

There are lessons in life to be learned and reasons for them to be learned.

I've learned a lot but fully expect to learn a whole  lot more.

May sound cliche' but Older is Wiser.

Time may change me...but I can't change time.

Till next time...Orlando Proud Cotton