Vanity is Highly Over Rated When You Are Fifty

I used to be all about vanity and looking like a million bucks.

Now I am just grateful to wake up every morning and still have all my teeth.

If I had to pick my failing "vanity" qualities they would be (in this order) :

My hair seems to get more gray by the hour.

The lines on my face are getting deeper than the Grand Canyon.

My eyesight is so bad I need binoculars to read a paper back.

I used to worry about getting older but now that I am, I worry about not being around to get OLD.

My daughter constantly tells me how great I look and act...but I know teenagers, it's a ploy to get more money out of me and seems to be working out great for her.

When I was younger (in my twenties) it would take me exactly an hour and a half to get ready to go out. I can now roll out of bed, take a shower and be walking out the door in twenty minutes.

Dang! I obviously had way too much spare time in my twenties.

Now I have no shame in putting corn pads on my feet that have been pounding restaurant floors for over 32 years before I slip into the most comfortable pair of shoes I can find.

I don't have a second thought about wearing support stockings when my legs are killing me...heck, I've SLEPT in them before when my legs are killing me.

The Sock Shop in Griffin is a great place to buy really "Cute" glasses for $2.99 so you can read your kid's progress reports from school or the directions on the back of a box.

I have fumbled my way through my new job without my cute 'specs' long enough. The print on the credit card receipts at my new restaurant is so tiny you would think they are national security documents. I have entered a couple of them wrong and after having to ask one of the young whipper snappers that I work with to read me invoice numbers more times than I am sure THEY want to count, stuck my glasses in my apron tonight when I left for work.

The first time I went to enter a tip with my glasses on I thought I was on the wrong screen. I had previously memorized which buttons to hit without having to read what they said. Now that I could SEE , the information looked new to me and I had to take my glasses off to see if it looked like the same lines of blur I was used to. YEP.. it was the right screen I just never realized it was an actual prompt screen.

Dang it's hard growing old with grace and SCREW the vanity part. I did my check out tonight right the first time (for the first time!) with my glasses on and saw what I was missing....the eye sight of my youth and the vanity I used to treasure.

So what I am getting older...at least I am around to GET older.

Bring on the corn pads and the support hose...bring on the heating pad and the back ache medicine. Give me a pair of glasses and some comfortable underwear, sensible shoes and I am good to go another forty years (I hope.)

As long as I don't find a curly hair growing out of my chin or feel like sitting in a recliner every day from dawn to dusk...I guess I should feel pretty good about myself.

If the past year didn't kill me...being fifty should be a breeze.

Don't even get me started on Menopause! God's little private joke of "Hot- Cold." Lets see a man make it through THAT travesty without whining like a baby while pulling the covers off at night and then getting up to find another blanket.

Damn you Adam...why'd ya HAVE to eat that stupid apple?

THANKS For NOTHING!!

I went into work today at 10 AM. I was scheduled to work until 10 PM. I had parked my car in a last space of the back parking lot so that if someone hit my car...it could only be from one side. Around 3PM...knowing that I would be leaving after dark with a pocket full of cash by myself...I moved my car to a spot beside the handicap parking..right outside the side door I would be leaving . Around 4Pm...my coworkers coming in for the evening shift told me that my car had been hit by someone, and that they had left my rear hubcap leaned against my tire.

I went outside to discover that not only had they scraped and dented the entire driver side of my car , knocked my hubcap off...left the mark of the "RED" paint of their vehicle on my silver Passat...but had been gracious enough to get out of their own car and lean my hubcap against my car, get back into their own car and drive away. " KUDOS to YOU... "A" HOLE" !!

THANKS FOR NOTHING!!

If I had left my car where it was originally...I could have saved my deductible...but would have been nervous about walking out the door with $200 in my pocket.

As it is...I am now going to have to pay a deductible, take my car to the shop, have it repaired...and take a hit on my OWN policy.

No note on the windshield...no one coming back inside to see who's car it was.

Just "ME"...having to take 30 minutes out of the "busy" time in my profession..to go outside, give a statement to an officer...come BACK in the restaurant to an already filled section of tables.

I lost about $50 just staying outside giving a statement , while the people that hit my car, laughed their way on to the next stop.

How can you be so callous? How can you care so little for other people's property or possessions?

Granted they didn't kill one of my children or hurt me physically. But they still took money from my pocket while I stood out side with an officer taking all the information down.

WHAT IN THE "HELL" IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I work six days a week...seven shifts, just to try to help take care of my own family. In one act of carelessness, they have cost me the expense of losing money, a deductible and a banged up....previously good looking, "PAID FOR" Passat .

Get a grip, people!! Own up to your mistakes...Don't let someone else have to pay for your own careless acts.

I just hope that it wasn't someone that I had waited on...because they sure as hell didn't leave me a big enough tip!

Thanks for the "VENT"....till next time COTTON

Hope You Missed Me!!

Busy, busy, busy I have been! It is graduation time and I have many nieces and nephews. I attended one of my favorite niece's graduation last night...or shall I call it a "GRAD GEE ATION". To begin with, when we got there...to watch a class of over 400 graduate....It began with hearing all kind of people on their cell phone..and hearing their conversations and comments over and over again. "I am in McDonough"...at my nephew's "Grad U ATION". YEAH.... "I'm Here... IN Mc Donough". He still kept talking..still kept screaming into his his cell phone as the Valedictorian gave the speech and as long as we could stand the whistles from the air horns that were blown every second... If my child was giving a speech, if my child was a speaker...I would be pretty ticked off. I turned to look at this older gentleman a couple of times, but he was so engrossed in his "loud"conversation that he didn't even notice me. He continued through the entire speech...speaking almost as loudly as the speaker.

People kill me with their horrible manners and lack of respect. Parents were letting their kids run all over the place. Granted, we WERE in a football stadium...but we were at a graduation...not a game!

Then there were the people that hooted and hollered at the time their student's name was called...and continued to whoop it up through the next two names that were called...drowning out any applause those two students may have had. It embarrassed me to think that these were adults acting this way.

I hope these graduates turn out to be better adults than the ones we were surrounded by. If they don't....God help us!!