Back To My Roots

 

Boy oh boy was I a beauty or what?

(much sarcasm intended)

My mother was furious when I (totally over) plucked my eyebrows into two thin arches without asking or telling her. Now at the age of almost sixty five I understand why she was mad. They never grow back. Ever.

This was the age which I starting writing in earnest, meaning I wrote every single day or so. I still have about five filled hard back journals and even a diary from when I was about ten. You know, the kind with a lock and tiny key which kept absolutely no one out of it. Writing has always been my friend and always will be. I'm no rocket scientist and was never an outstanding scholar. I made straight A's in first grade and was all academically downhill from there once math came into play. My first grade teacher loved me. Reading came very easy to me and I excelled in the subject. I could read a book out loud in class with the correct inflections and knew how to make the words tell the story rather than sound like an assignment the teacher called on you to perform during class.

I didn't know it then, but it was when my love affair of the written word began.

I am teetering on the precipice of sixty five and still enjoy writing more than anything else I do, besides loving my family.

When COVID hit in 2020, it changed everyone's life, routine and sense of reasoning. I was pretty much forced into retirement. Our restaurant shut down March 16 and didn't reopen until almost summer. When they finally reopened and called people back to work it was on a scaled down list and can't blame them for going with the younger servers but still felt like a slap in the face considering I had worked circles around every young server there for almost four years and often did my job as well as theirs. So much for seniority...literally.

Luckily by this point we were out of the sardine can rental and into our forever home in the Isle of Pines, so I was happily/ begrudgingly unemployed. I began writing again and made snail mail not only my friend but my friends' friend as well. I wrote to my parent's friends that I was still in touch with after both of their passing many years ago. I wrote to folks I knew from back home in Georgia, old classmates, elementary, high and even college years, old co workers, former bosses and even former customers  I'd waited on who I had become friends with. Just a little something for them to find sitting in the mailbox along with bills and junk mail. Sometimes one stamp is all it costs/takes to make someone smile for a couple of minutes in their day, and that's a good and positive thing to do with your spare time. Plus I enjoy the actual writing on paper with a pen as opposed to a typed message, text or email.

This past year I slacked off a bit for a number of reasons. I took up a cause after nosing and inserting myself into a former classmate from high schools' business, who was searching for her long lost sister who was missing and had been living on the streets of the outskirts of downtown Atlanta for over a decade. That's a pretty big search area.

For once social media giant FB  did what it was designed to do. Reconnect people and friends.

She was found living under a bridge in below freezing temperatures. She had a thread bare coat, hat, backpack and a blue tarp. 

 Cathy was an absolute minimalist, that's for sure. How she survived the lean mean streets for eleven years boggles my mind.

After a huge social media push and with help from friends, former classmates, people who had stopped by to check on her under the bridge and even strangers, we somehow someway beat the exhaustive red tape and endless hurdles and secured her permanent housing on the outskirts of downtown Atlanta. People donated furniture, new clothing, supplies, bedding, toiletries, untensils, dishes, pans and even a basically brand new washer and dryer. My sister and I decided she needed a comfy recliner and I found one for free in my neighborhood. My brother graciously shipped it up from here in Orlando to  Atlanta and a dear friend of mine went to the freight terminal in ATL and not only picked it up but delivered it right to her new apartment.

This entire situation, all the generosity, charity and literal moving truck full of furniture and supplies was very overwhelming for her. You could see it on her face. She was terrified of it. Yes she wanted it, but she was still terrified of it after eleven years of absolutely nothing and no one. I don't blame her for being apprehensive after all she's been through on the streets and over the years.

She almost looks confused and bewildered in the photos...and trust me she was. She'd been living a feral life for over a decade. 

How she didn't have one gray hair on her head was and still is a mystery to me. She still has that beautiful red hair from childhood.

Yes, now she had four walls around her with a door which locked and a roof over her head. She had new socks, underwear, clothing, a place to bathe, a place to cook and even a place to wash and dry her clothes. New sheets, bedding, comforter and pillows on a beautiful queen size bed. Love seat, end tables, coffee table, kitchen table and chairs, rugs for the floor, and a pretty fully stocked kitchen and pantry.

We were thrilled for her, right along with all the many people who'd joined our journey in finding her safe and permanent housing. A place for her to call home.

Of course her mental health has taken a tremendous blow after years on the streets alone. I don't think I could have even survived it not to mention still retain any semblance of sane thinking. She refused any counselling or even talking with a mental health official. She's a grown woman and was her decision to make or not make, as much as we wanted her to seek help.

She's been off the streets for almost a year now, and still hasn't slept in the bed that was lovingly donated along with an almost brand new mattress, box springs and all new bedding.

She feels like it is too nice to even mess up by getting into. She slept curled up on the floor or the love seat in the living room. That's when we found her the recliner down here in Orlando where I live and had my brother once again ship it up to ATL for her. He had shipped the bed, mattress and box springs up as well. The recliner is what she now sleeps in. She simply doesn't feel worthy. She feels like (in her own words) "beholding" to all these good people who have done all of these wonderful things for her. She's scared to wear the new coat someone bought her because (she said) it was too nice and would get beat up for it if she wore it. 

It's been a year long struggle for her sister, who found her under the bridge after eleven years of looking. She still works full time and lives two hours north of Atlanta. Every weekend she makes the drive down to check on her and take her to run errands. It's been a struggle for Cathy, mentally and emotionally, through no fault of her own but simply by the cards life dealt her. She lived with her mother with who she was very close to and when her mother died it broke her. She just walked away from her life and lived on the streets moving from underpass to underpass and somehow survived until her older sister found her through a Facebook post about a homeless woman living under bridges near the area where we grew up. Some citizens in the community often stopped to check on her or take her food. She always declined offers of housing. They sometimes posted about her on their community FB page and someone who knew her sister reached out to her asking if this may be her missing sibling...and turned out it was.

I can't even begin to imagine what all her mental well being has been through and endured for over a decade on the lean streets. It is a testament of her strength as a tiny woman that she has even made it this far.

Sadly, budgeting, planning, keeping track of  all the things involved in maintaining your own place simply isn't in her wheel house...through no fault of her own but still is a requirement when having a home to take care of. It has overwhelmed her and frustrated her. Without constant and steady guidance she seems unable to live and maintain on her own independently. It has taken a toll on not only Cathy but her sister who makes the almost 200 mile round trip almost every weekend sometimes more, while maintaining her own full time job and sanity. How she has continued to do it for almost a year now is a mystery to me but a true testament about the love of a sister.

She and I talk frequently, usually while she is either driving down there to check on Cathy or driving back to her own home in north Georgia.

Cathy has struggled to remember when rent is due or how to even use the cell phone her sister bought her. She's gotten behind a couple of times and doesn't seem to grasp the urgency of a due date and being on time with things she is expected to take care of. It's like we have overloaded her thought process and mental capacity in a huge and overwhelming way. She said she doesn't deserve or can take care of all these things and feels she will be better off at the women's mission in downtown Atlanta. So her sister took her to visit the mission, which is not a pleasant or calming experience. Cathy hasn't mentioned going back to it since, but now we know where we stand.

We all pooled our generosity and gave Cathy everything we thought she needed for a better life. We did all of that from the comfort of our own home which I guarantee most of us take for advantage. We (which absolutely includes me) didn't consider how she would manage suddenly going from the streets to a warm place with amenities she feels she doesn't deserve or know how to manage.

Yes we want her to get mental health help and guidance she desperately needs but she is a grown woman and her own person. She isn't a child or puppet we can pull the strings of.

It's a total catch 22. The past month or so has been a roller coaster and her sister is distraught over what all these people who contributed to getting Cathy off the streets will think, especially if things don't work out.

I told my friend to mark that worry off her list. I know pretty much every single person who has contributed to this venture...I was simply a facilitator. While I also contributed, I was more of a person who just got Cathy's story out and am lucky enough to have and know some really wonderful friends and people. I know that not one single one of them did it for recognition or brownie points. If it ends up not working out, they won't be looking for refunds or holding grudges about anything which may or may not happen.

If you are reading this, do me a favor. Say a prayer, send up or out good vibes for Cathy and all she has not only gone through but is still going through. Be her village right along with all of us. Keep her in your thoughts and wish nothing but positivity and the best for her mental and physical well being...because there but the Grace of God go any one of us. Any of us could be Cathy or someone in her worn out shoes. I think about that every single day.

She's living like a homeless person in an apartment with everything she needs for a calm and safe existence. She just doesn't feel worthy or justified in having nice things but believe me you, she deserves it more than anyone I have ever met. And her sister deserves to feel like her sister is safe as well. And before you come back with comments, yes she tried to get Cathy to come live with her but she refuses. With all her weaknesses and problems, she is still an adult and still in control of her own life and decisions. The best we can hope for is that she comes around and makes the choices we all hope for her to make.

Kinda makes your own problems feel small and unimportant doesn't it? I know it does for me.

Send Cathy good vibes out to the universe please. I'd sure appreciate it, and so would Cathy and her sister. Any suggestions or ideas are always more than welcome, we've pretty much exhausted all of ours, but will keep up the fight as long as necessary. It the worn shoe was on the other foot, Cathy would be the first person to volunteer and help if she could. She's a good person.

This journey with Cathy and her sister changed my life. It has made me realize how much (most) all of us take for granted in our lives and how truly lucky I am, with all my faults, flaws and inadequacies. I am indeed a lucky woman.

Till next time, COTTON

Thanks(for)giving

Last week I was leaving work after my shift when one of the servers told  me to wait, the closing server needed to talk to me. She went over and spoke with the closing server and came back over where I was clocking out and told me never mind...I could leave.

I kinda thought that was strange but let it go, and left. I thought about it on the drive home, wondering if maybe I hadn't done something they had asked me to do. I thought about it some more and decided I'd finished all my side work and cleaned my section.

Maybe it was a mix up...but made a mental note to ask that server what it was about next time I saw her.

A week went by before I worked with the server again and asked her what that had all been about?

Her answer:

"I can't tell you now."

That kinda made me nervous. I felt like they knew something about me that I didn't know and gave me a queasy feeling...like maybe I needed to start looking for another job.

Yeah, I'm a worrier.

Especially when it comes to my kids or my job.

Nothing else was said or happened so  decided I was once again simply worrying too much and let it pass.

Another week passed...and remained gainfully employed.

Just in case, I stepped up my game and tried even harder each and every shift...and I'm no slacker to begin with.

If you only knew how much I intensely hate starting over at a new job, you'd probably laugh at me.



I'd say I'm a pretty good wife. Maybe an eight out of ten.

 I'm not the best wife but have been completely and totally faithful to Tim for almost thirty years and in his defense, hasn't tried to kill me once. If you know me and know Tim...that's close to being an amazing feat in its self.

As a mother I'd say I was about a nine out of ten, through much trial and error. At least they are all doing pretty well as adults.


As a server would give myself a solid ten.

It's a profession which suits me to a Tee. I enjoy it, constantly try and grow as as a server, always striving to learn more and gain knowledge which helps not only my customers' experience but my paycheck as well.

It's a win-win job, if done right and feels very rewarding to be (for the most part) in control of what you make.


Anyway, back to my story...


So I go into work last night. I walked in the back of the kitchen and the locker area to store my trusty lunch box full of treats and goodies to share with everyone and a cook passed me, saying "Happy Birthday, Kelly!"

I didn't say anything, thought maybe I'd misunderstood him.

Another cook passed me as I walked out to the front of the restaurant and said the same thing.

What?!

I told him it wasn't my birthday...and that my birthday was in July.


Five minutes later the manager called all us servers to gather for the usual pre shift meeting.

As it started, the manager said another server had something to say first.

Another  server, who was hired right after me stepped forward and handed me a card with my name written on the front. She simply said "For all you do for us."

I opened it, pretty puzzled to begin with.

When I read it and saw the very generous gift card for Publix...I was stunned.

The cooks (who shouted out HBD) assumed they were giving me the gift card because it was my birthday.

The server who had asked me to stay around before leaving that night a couple of weeks ago thought they were giving it to me then.

Instead they continued to collect money from other employees for another week.

Trust me, I know how hard it is to get money out of other people when you're collecting for a cause.

Been there done that.

I couldn't believe it ... not only the servers, but food runners, bussers, hosts, bartenders, cooks and even utility workers had donated for this awesome gift for me!





You know, I've been a server a pretty long time.

    I've met and made a lot of good friends along the way. Bosses, customers and coworkers.


I moved to Orlando a little over a year ago, feeling like a frightened deer in headlights...for more months than I care to discuss.

Luckily I listened to my brother, who has lived here for quite a while. He gave me this advice:

                                             "Chroma is the place where you need to work."

It took me forever, but finally feel at home with my new job and think my new job feels at home with me.

I've come to love them, just like I loved my last restaurant family and the one before that, and the one before that.

What makes it even greater is they love me now too at Chroma.



It was a shocking wake up call and reminder to myself... it was one of those Oprah 'Aha' moments.



May sound crazy...but am anyway.

 What other woman in her late fifties wears a  dog's cone of shame and poses in their bed just to make herself laugh?

I had to beg Massey to take this picture of me. I thought it was hilarious...still do.

Her, not so much...but that's okay too. I'd probably be mortified as well to have me as a mother at the age of twenty two.


But here's the thing...

Life gives you one shot... no do overs. (unless you're Shirley MacLaine)


Make your shot count.

Do you want to put happiness out to the universe as your offering or unhappiness, envy and jealousy?

I'm a simple person with a simple plan in life.

Live by the Golden Rule and allow the Golden Rule to rule you.


The generous gift I received from  my coworkers surprised, shocked and humbled me.

I've always kinda been the 'restaurant mom' and enjoy the title very much. I do things for them because I want to, not because I have to. I always cook too much food anyway and they are always so excited when I bring in something to share.

The candy I bring in is nothing...what's two or three dollars every other day? It's sure not going to bankrupt me (been there done that) and know for a fact it's something they all look forward to.

If I had to stand hunched over in a hot, humid, wet, dish pit for eight plus hours and wash plates and silver which servers and bussers almost constantly sling at you, I'd want someone to bring me some candy every once in a while as well.

With all my many, many faults...still think I'm pretty much a decent person, striving to be a good person. on that scale would give myself about a seven out of ten.

On the scale of being a blessed person, I'd give myself a solid ten plus.

If you ever want to learn about how people truly are, try being in the service industry for almost forty years. I've met some doozies (customers and coworkers) over the years but more often than not have met some really wonderful people.

If I see a table that looks miserable from the time they walk to it and sit down, make it my own personal mission to make sure they all get up from that same table happy, and eager to return. It's actually a pretty satisfying feeling.

It's like I'm a psychologist without the degree...who also makes tips!

This Thanksgiving I have so very much to be grateful for, and my wonderful coworkers simply added to my ever growing list of blessings.

True fact.

Till next time, COTTON