Sometimes life pops up and smacks you in the face for no apparent reason.
Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad way.
I only know a handful of our neighbors by name. I wave to a lot of them or speak over the fence as they pass. Let's put it this way, I've never been in any of their houses. Maybe I've been on a porch or two after chasing down a runaway dog to return it to the owner, but that's about it. I still feel kinda like the newbie in the hood. A lot of these families are second generation households.
The only neighbor our house is close to is a family of four, their house sits right on the other side of our privacy fence. In other words we hear them but don't see them. The couple is in their early forties with two younger sons. I'd guess around nine and four...by now. I see the husband more because he does the yard work and sometimes we do it on the same day. His wife you rarely ever see. In the two years we've lived here I have met and spoken to her once, when they were walking down the street one afternoon, to the stop sign and back.
Very short trip.
They have a small dog, with a very shrill bark...who doesn't stop. If it's outside, it's barking. It is absolutely not scared of my boxer (85 lbs) or my brother's dobe (95 lbs) and they bark through the fence at each other, relentlessly, talking their Doggie Smack. Thank goodness we put up a new fence, the old one was pretty shaky towards the back of the yard and their little dog has gotten into our yard more than once through a small opening. Thank goodness my dogs have never been out when it happened.
Actually it did happen once, when we still had our big boxer, Ham.
He was a solid ninety pounds of pure muscle but blind as a bat. Had been for years and years. (juvenile cataracts) He had a hard time adjusting to this new home. There were so many gardens, paths, trees and vines, every which a way. He would get lost every time we let him out to do his business and would wind up tangled in vines or stuck behind a bush, not knowing where he was. It broke my heart. But one afternoon he went out for his daily business, and was wondering around in the front yard...while our neighbor's dog was exploring our back yard, after getting through the fence. Ham never even knew he was there. Thank goodness.
It was kind of strange living next door to them. The dad was always the one who walked the dog or pushed the (then about two) younger son in a stroller while the older boy ran along beside them. You never saw the wife.
Just that once.
She would pull in the driveway with her car and she and the boys would go inside after her picking them up from school, but last year around this time, school was pretty much cancelled and went virtual.
So her car didn't move all that much after that.
Of course, neither did my car. I haven't worked since March of last year and only leave the house for essentials.
But that little dog...
As the months passed by, it seemed to bark all the time when it was outside, and they never seemed to be in a rush to let it back in. Some mornings or afternoons, it would bark for well over an hour. I'm surprised its little barker didn't give out. It's a good thing I really like dogs, because I used to lay in my own bed, listening to it bark in the mornings, and bark and bark... knowing if I could hear from my own bed, they could certainly hear it from theirs.
Fast forward to just two weeks ago.
My husband (who has never, ever worked in the yards before us moving here) was out trimming some banana trees near our neighbors' side of the yard. He ran into the husband and they talked for a minute or two. Tim's not much of a talker so it kinda surprised me.
I feel like the most self centered person, ever.
Tim came inside and said "Did you know our neighbor's wife has been battling cancer for the past four years?"
First shoe drops.
Massey googled their name and found an article about how our neighbor's wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant and in her second trimester with their youngest son, four years ago. She went through chemo during the rest of her pregnancy after a mastectomy. They followed up with radiation after she delivered a healthy boy.
Second shoe drops.
The cancer returned, has spread and she is currently in the hospital on life support.
Do you know how selfish and small I feel?
Even worse, how do you think she felt, laying in her own bed, hearing her little dog bark outside, but simply too weak to even get up and let it back in.
I could have done that. I could have walked that dog, I could have let the dog in after going out. I could have walked over there one day when I saw her at the mailbox, even though our mailboxes aren't that close together.
If I'd done that, maybe I would have realized how sick this poor young mother of two was...living steps away from my own house.
I could have, but I didn't.
Instead it was a running joke about "The dog next door is barking again. Shocker!"
But it's too late for me to be the better person. That little dog tried to tell me. I truly believe it did. I just didn't listen hard enough.
I'm old school, but Lassie episodes (in the sixties) would be all about Lassie barking relentlessly to let little Timmy know that somewhere help was needed!
I heard the call but failed to recognize it. And me, a dog person! I should be ashamed, and I am. There's been an older gentleman over there this past week, pretty much round the clock. He was out getting their mail when I was getting ours last week. I threw up the neighborly hand wave and he responded with the same. I motioned to him and walked over.
I asked if everything was okay with our neighbor's wife? It was not.
She was currently on life support, he told me, and introduced himself. He was her father in law, staying there to help out his son with the boys, who weren't aware of the severity of their mother's illness.
So for months and months as I made light of the little yapping dog next door who they just let bark and bark and bark...this young woman, wife and mother of two, lay in her bed too weak to probably even turn over much less go to the door and let a dog back inside, was trying to also take care of two young sons while her husband went to work to provide for them all...as I was sitting right next door, with nothing but time on my hands.
My husband came inside the other day after working in the yards and remarked that we needed to pray for our neighbors, there were an awful lot of cars over there and he wasn't so sure it was a cook out or celebratory get together.
It wasn't. It was visitation by friends and family.
When I met the father in law at the mailbox I asked if we could at least help feed them so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking. He accepted the offer and I went and got them stuff to make sandwiches, chips, some fruit and snacks and paper products where clean up would be minimal.
It's the craziest thing. The little dog doesn't bark outside like she used to. Her message was finally received, by the slowest human neighbor ever.
I should have stopped her one of the rare days I saw her getting out of her car and walked over to introduce myself, but I didn't.
I chose to stay on my side of the fence and assume what was going on on their side...they had an annoying dog.
No, they had a dog who was trying to tell me I needed to come over and make sure everything was okay with its owners.
I've been cooking for them every day or so, sending over things in throw away pans and hopefully entrees which will last a day or two.
Lots of visitors.
Tim has been working out of town all week but walked over this morning when he saw the father in law cutting the front yard, introduced himself and asked how she was doing?
She died yesterday afternoon.
Not even forty five years old. The cancer came back with a vengeance , this time in her spine, then spread to her liver. After quarantine it was harder to get appointments and treatment for her and of course was given the run around by insurance and red tape.
And I was next door the entire time, doing nothing. I told Tim I didn't want to ever let that happen again. My presence couldn't have cured her cancer but it sure could have eased her mind, if only just a little bit.
It was a bitter lesson for me...you always need to be a bigger person, because you simply never know.
We will continue to help this family out any way we can. I'm just so sorry it took us so long.
https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2017/08/10/orlando-woman-delivers-baby-while-fighting-breast-cancer/
(copy and paste the above into your browser)
They are very quiet and private people, and never once complained or asked for help of any kind. They relied on their faith. They are good decent people. We should have read between the lines or simply gone over there to introduce ourselves and extended the hand of friendship two years ago.
I hate that I learned a valuable lesson at my neighbor's expense.
Always remember, if you don't know the whole story, never assume.
As one of my high school teachers used to say, "Assume: it makes an Ass out of U and Me."
Till next time,
COTTON
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