I Crack Myself Up...Literally

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm my biggest fan.

For all my failings (too numerous to count) I've also acquired a few good qualities.

I'm a decent person.

I don't mind poking fun at my own self.

It's easy and way too obvious not to do.

(trust me, I've heard recordings of my hillbilly self)

I can (do) add two extra syllables to any one syllable word...

and do it all day long, every single day.


My car blue tooth doesn't even recognize my husband's name when I ask it to call him. Instead it goes through and offers to call my entire contact list of two and three syllable names beginning with the letter "T".

My husband's name is Tim.

I use old school terminology all the time and half the time my  much younger coworkers don't have a clue as to what I'm talking about, not to mention people I run into other places I go in Florida.

I

I say "Ooh wee" at least twenty times a day.

Other people just sigh, or say "sh*t!"

(I say "sh*t" a lot too, but my pronunciation has three syllables)

Anything less than a teaspoon is a smidge or a smattering to me.

If I wake up and have a stiff back,
I'm stove up.

I'm always fixin' to do something.

It's never soda or pop.
Its always a CoCola.
(not a Coca Cola)

Iced tea always means sweet.
Fried food is always better.
Potatoes are like a meat to me.

I know I'm a Hick, but like to think I'm a loveable one.





And, I've been slinging plates since the seventies.

"I was a really good waitress. Waitressing takes a certain gusto. You need a good memory and an ability to connect with people fast. You have to learn how to treat the kitchen as well as you treat the customers. You have to figure out which crazy people to listen to and which crazy people to ignore. I loved waiting tables because when you cashed out at the end of the night your job was truly over. You wiped down your section and paid out your busy boy and you knew your work was done. I didn't take my job home with me, except for the occasional nightmare where I would wake up in a cold sweat and remember I never brought table 14 their diet coke."

                                             Amy Poehler--Yes Please

I've been a server since it was called a waitress.

It suits me.

I'm way too loud for an office, but once people get past my hillbilly-osity, which I totally (try to) keep in check while speaking with customers; I do pretty well for myself.

I learned to slow down when speaking , enunciate and attempt to sound articulate.

Plus, the uniforms don't require dresses or pantyhose anymore.

I never have to catch up on work after I get home from work or ever have to go in early to catch up on work from the day before.

How sweet is that?
(especially in these days and times)

When I clock out...it's a done deal, and walk out with my paycheck, already cashed.

I also like to laugh.
A lot.

The best laughs are when you aren't supposed to be laughing.

I think I chose the right profession.

I wait on the public, and that's never dull.

I come home with a "Let me tell ya what happened" story, every shift I work.

I've met (maybe) thousands of people but totally made some pretty wonderful friends along the way.


All three of my kids have worked alongside me, at one point or another.

Massey lasted the longest, working with my crazy ole self.

Yeah, Massey had a pretty sweet gig working with me for a year during her college years, and recognized every famous person I did not.
She kept me current.

She still does.


She went from this...

to this

to this

somehow, someway... when I turned my head for (seemingly) just a minute.

My other two kids are boys. Having boys was always less maintenance...until you have to (literally) make  bond.

Once again I am laughing.


My boys, now men, don't want me calling them every day. They know where and how to find me if they need me, and I make sure of that.

But I don't think I've ever gone more than a day without talking to Massey.

She deserves an award for putting up with the likes of me, but we have certainly share many laughs together and more often than not, usually about something I've done or said.

Next year I'll be sixty years old.
That sounds like a total joke to me.
I'm an old woman now?!



You know, it really didn't hit me until I finally got lucky enough to switch to all day shifts, four days a week, with a three day weekend.

I'm tired.

The past ten years took a toll on us, but would "Do Over" every single one of them, if we could still end up here, where we landed.


It's literally time for me to stop and smell the roses.

I love this place, our place... more and more every day.

You need to live a Life that makes you smile when you think about it.

I kid you not, I wake up grateful every single day.

Don't get me wrong.
 I only work four days a week now. It's perfect for me, and just what I need at this point in my life.

 But those four days they (do and will) get every single bit of my attention to detail and follow through job, from the time I clock in until the time I clock out.

Life's a crazy ride.

Sometimes you have to cry.
 (I have)
 Sometimes you have to melt down.
(done that too)
Sometimes you lose.
(more times than I can count)
But...
The important thing is to get back up, and try again even harder.


With all my (our) past misfortunes...I'm still one of the lucky ones, and know this for a fact.
Between having a twenty four year old (live in bestie/daughter) and working with kids born when  I was turning forty... I have somehow, someway managed to "Stay Woke."
(and yes I learned that term from her)

Life can always be worse.
It could stop.

Enjoy it while you can.

Find and count your blessings.
And if you can't find any, you're not looking hard enough.


Till next time...COTTON