Thirty two years ago today, my mother collapsed on the floor of the store she , my sister and I were shopping in for school clothes. It was less than a week before my senior year in high school started. She was dead before the ambulance could get there. No warning, no illness that we knew of. She looked at me one last time before she hit the floor and even as a seventeen year old school girl...I knew she was gone.
It haunted me for years. I was such a brat at the time. All I was ever concerned about was ME, ME, ME. It left a huge hole in our family and we all struggled through the best we could.
August 19th rolled around year after year and all I could ever think about was "This is the day Mama died."
Flash forward eighteen years.
I am married to a wonderful man, have two young sons and found out I was pregnant and having a girl. My due date was Oct.5th...my own mother's birthday! I had already decided to name my baby Massey Ann. My mother's maiden name was Ann Massey and I though it would be a nice tribute. Little did I know how much of a tribute I had coming!
I had a very difficult pregnancy , had to stop working and was put on complete bed rest starting at the end of May.
Late in the night of August 18, I woke to searing back pain and a pool of blood. After calling 911 I went and sat on a towel at the end of our driveway waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
Once at the hospital, the last thing I remember was hearing that my Ob/Gyn had just pulled into the parking lot and the mask was put over my face to knock me out.
When I woke up, I had lost almost five pints of blood and had just undergone an emergency C section. The nurse asked if I wanted to see my baby (Thank God, those were the words I was hoping to hear ) and I was wheeled in to see a tiny 4 pound angel hooked up to wires, leads and monitors. Her head was as small as the palm of my hand, but she looked perfect in every other way. She spent two weeks in the NICU and then came home .
Isn't it ironic ... the day I hated for 18 years because it was the day that God took my mother away, suddenly became the day that God sent me my daughter?
She turns 14 today.
She is my best friend and a joy to everyone who has ever met her. She has a heart as big as the ocean and has so many "BBF's" that I have simply lost count. Every thing is an adventure or a mission to her. She takes up for kids that are made fun of and quickly becomes their friend and ally. She joins every stinkin' group and activity she can in school and has a passion for each of them that I deeply admire.
Oh , we have our bad days but without them I would obviously not be doing my job as a parent.
She wears me out, she inspires me daily and she has replaced the empty hole that was left in my heart when I saw my mother sink to the floor thirty two years ago.
I still miss my mother terribly, but now realize that she sent me an angel to help with the loss I felt when she went home to the Lord unexpectedly.
We had a great day, the whole family came to see me
at work, joined by Frances and her niece. My manager (another angel) cut the $115.00 tab to $50.00 and we had a great visit...it was incredibly slow at work so I got to sit with them and chat .
We are having a rough patch in our lives right now, but today made me realize how very fortunate I am and how much I have to be grateful for.
Happy Birthday, my sweet girl and THANK YOU for coming into my life and making it so much brighter. I know your grandma is smiling down on all of us, knowing she left us in good hands when she sent us "Massey."
