It occurred to me tonight after my two youngest boarded a plane to Orlando for a week with their father that for the last six years have felt like I was trying to 'fix' my life and my marriage. After all's been said and done, seems Tim's the one who has fixed us all.
At times I didn't think we'd make it or even remain married but did.
The love we had has been slow to rekindle but's still there... smoldering, flickering and waiting for the spark to ignite.
My husband has always had faith but my own wavered, time and time again. I didn't have enough faith and should have.
It's a good thing he did.
In less than a month my family will all be together again for the first time in over half a decade, relocating to Orlando where my husband has a fantastic new job he loves and which seems to love him.
I got a little worried today when saw on the news that Prince weighed 112 pounds when he died. I only weigh ninety nine. I felt a little better considering I was a woman and one inch shorter. I lost almost twenty pounds when the downward spiral started over half a decade ago and has taken me almost that long to build back up to triple digits. My age seems to go up quicker than my weight.
These past two years have been a pivotal time for my entire family and lucky for us was a 180 degree pivot.
Do I still worry?
Certainly I do... but know now I can worry in a house which will be paid off and ours in less than ten months and currently pay all our bills on time if not early. I worry I haven't paid it forward enough.
Mostly now, I worry about walking away from the job of a lifetime and moving away from my sister.
I'll be close to my brother again and at least he's had the decency to act like that's okay too. We'll also be living where my oldest son lives with our grandkids. My saving grace is my sister has free flight privilege and can visit as often as she wants.
I hope it's a lot.
It's a good feeling to know that with help from above and all around you've survived. Now it's time to get my family all back together again, literally.
I'm going to say it and yes regret ever thinking it at all.
I wasn't really sure if I had any fight left in me but just like that, Tim came through and proved me wrong.
Hey... the guy married me, looking all dapper in his tux and tails with me in a wedding outfit and hat from some Hee Haw episode.
I should have known from jump he was the smart one.
Sometimes life has to kick you in the face to make you realize what you have.
And I have it all.
Til next time... COTTON