Friday, March 19, 2010

Battling Back Sounds Easier Than It Is Sometimes...

I haven't written in a while. For the first time I can remember I just feel like an empty page.

I think the Beatles summed up my feelings:

"There are places I remember all my life
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I can still recall
Some are dead and some are living

In my life I loved them all

And with all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these mem'ries lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I loved you more."


I wonder if it was my blog...I wonder if was my outspoken nature...I wonder if it is just God testing me to the max?
I told my husband tonight before he left for work...when I die have them throw me into the fire and escape with the smallest bill you can. I want to be cremated...just didn't think I would get cremated before I even died!

I know I am just having a pity party for myself. I know that I can battle back from this. I know that I am a better person than I am being at this given moment.

I have three great kids, a husband that loves me (I'm still trying to figure THAT one out) and a God that will take care of me.

I have hit a new low...which only means to me that I will finally begin to rise again.

This blog has always been MY heart.
This blog has always just been ME.
This blog is nothing more than a place for me to express MY feelings.
If you can't be yourself in your own small space in the world that is a sad thing.

Wish me luck, blow me a kiss...

I am a PHOENIX.

Til next time...COTTON

1 comment:

j.radcliffe said...

kick some ass cotton!!

Josh (you know, the really nice person you slowly tried to destroy over the past few years)